I love the Beatles. I’ve ordered the Mono box set, ’cause I wanna hear their albums (save Let It Be and Abbey Road) the way the band and Mr. Martin intended. Abbey Road is in my top 25 albums of all time, and the Beatles in my list of top 10 favorite bands.

Entertainment Weekly actually got it right. “All You Need Is Love” is not the worst Beatles song ever (“Rocky Raccoon”) but it is terribly overrated and deserves a spot on the top 5 at least. If McCartney had written/sang this treacle, it would not be universally beloved as a masterfully constructed pop/baroque classic that poignantly demonstrates the outsized, imperfect heart and soul of its creator. No, the consensus would be, “More gutless Macca fluff.”

And it is gutless fluff. I don’t care what classical references the song opens with. I don’t care how many people gathered for a live broadcast, nor do I care that there was a live broadcast. It’s hippie garbage. “It’s easy.” No it’s not. “All you need is love.” Clearly that’s false. You need love, first for yourself, then for others. Then you’ll need a whoooooolllllllle bunch of other stuff. How about some answers? I mean other than “learn how to play the game.” What fucking game? Beatleopoly? Is “Helter Skelter” the Boardwalk, ’cause it should be.

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