You know how I can be cajoled to watching “Dancing With the Stars”? If someone, anyone, would just rip Heather Mills’ prosthetic leg off and beat her unconscious with it while doing the Running Man and singing “Live and Let Die.”

I know this is older but goddamn it’s wonderful:

http://www.hecklerspray.com/now-stella-mccartney-wants-to-kill-that-bitch-heather-mills/20065561.php

The boring stuff will have to wait, though, because all sorts of irrelevant stuff is in its way. Irrelevant stuff like, oh, what Rod Stewart makes of the Paul McCartney divorce and what Paul McCartney’s grown-up daughter Stella McCartney did when she heard about all those claims of abuse. According to the News Of The World:

The fashion designer flew into a terrifying rage after hearing that Heather claimed Macca hit her mother Linda. Pregnant Stella, 34, had to be restrained by the former Beatle as she screamed: “I’m going to kill that bitch! I can’t believe what she’s doing! I’m going to kill her!”… “I told you she was a bitch,” she screamed. “Why did you marry her? She’s been a manipulative cow from day one. The cow won’t be happy until she destroys all of us – and our memories of our mother’.”

Only the Brits would describe someone as a “manipulative cow”.

I am now visited once again with visions of Heather Mills being pummeled with her own fake leg by her eight-months pregnant former stepdaughter. It gives me that warm feeling, like you get upon imbibing some sweet, fresh outta the microwave hot cocoa.